MERGED ACCOUNTS, SEPARATE ACCOUNTS, A PRENUP?

by - September 28, 2017


While listening to a GirlBoss podcast 'Talks Love, Friendships, and Finance' with Alexi Wasser, they discussed many things that I certainly agree with but one of the things that immediately caught my attention was their opinions on Prenup and merged accounts.

Growing up I didn't know much about prenups, for me, they were things only rich people used. My parents had and still have merged accounts. Growing up all I saw from them was "whats yours is mines, was mines is yours" I mean #goals right? They have been together for 30+ years, four kids and through the ups and down still manage to have their finances linked together. It has nothing to do with who makes more than who, both of them are a business owner, both workaholics (I have learned my work ethic from them) and business partners in each other's businesses- I mean they are serious goals! But my parents got married in the ancient times, and as much as we might dislike the usual saying "those times were different" in reality it is true, those times were oh so different. 

As much as I want to get married one day I started asking myself, am I selfish for wanting what is mine separately from what it's yours? Am I selfish for wanting to be independent and have my own two feet to stand on in case the worst happens? Am I wrong for thinking about protecting myself in case things don't work out? Am I selfish because I want to separate what I've worked so hard for from whatever we will build together?


Again my mindset had nothing to do with who would make more than who, it has nothing to do with me being there for you financially if need be, and vice versa- NO. Those were not the reasons behind my mentality of wanting a separate account once I'm married. It was as simple as what you come in this relationship with is the same thing you should walk away with if we were to go our separate ways and you should be able to do whatever you want with that money without asking for permission, giving explanations or any headsup. What we build together in the marriage- a house, cars, kids expenses, investments,  bills, side hustles together and so on is both ours and so on, but whatever you work for is yours and the same goes for me.

Before I had the conversation with my boyfriend about this I always thought that if it had to come down to it I will be the one to bring up the prenup. I had to get older to understand that prenups don't only apply to rich people but to anyone that would want to protect their finances. Of course, they are very expensive and they are still mostly used by rich folks and those with more to lose if things don't work out. But, hey we all value our investments differently.

Now the reason I think I would get a prenup if my partner wouldn't want separate accounts would be because I have goals, so many goals and I work my ass off. I am an independent soul and I have always liked things my way; if I messed up my money I know it was me, if I'm missing a coin I know where it went. If I see the extra money I know where it comes from. I'm very picky about how I do things, having merged accounts just wouldn't work for me. Now let me not jinx myself, if the time comes and life drags me by my feet and I need to depend on my husband to take care of me because I don't have my own income then so be it, merged accounts it is. Or if simply I change my mind along the way, then merged accounts it is. But otherwise leave me with my separate account, let me have my own safety net. Let me build my thing, you build yours and we build together. Simple, right?



So am I selfish? Should I believe that for a marriage to work we need to have merged accounts? Can we not be married and have linked accounts? Is the fact that I believe in separate accounts make me look like I don't think things will work out in my relationship? Can I still have the "what's yours is mine and whats mine is yours" mentality if I want separate accounts? Would having separate accounts make you be selfish about your money?

Now I'm not here to tell you what you should be thinking about merged accounts, separate ones or a prenup at that, as you can see I'm still trying to figure that out myself. I do believe it's good to have an idea of what you want once you go ahead and get married, have kids and all that good stuff.

I'm dying to know your thoughts on this topic, leave me a comment below and let's talk about it!

-Ams

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